Today's the day - the day our oldest child, my first baby, is moving to college.
Well, there ya' go - now the tears are flowing, my nose is dripping, I'm sniffling and quietly sobbing.
Anna's moving away to USC today; and by moving away, I mean like 20 minutes down the road. Just downtown. I'm there all the time; nonetheless, it has hit me extremely, extremely hard. All week, I've been on the verge. Didn't know exactly why. I've subonsciously done a great job pushing her move to the back of my mind, amid all the activities of our other kids having started school on Monday; but, I've had a few moments...at weird, mundane times. It's been the mundane things that have thrown me down and beat the tears out of me...
- Multiplying snacks X 5 in my head at Walmart when it hit me, I only need to buy for 4
- Unloading the dishwasher and opening the cabinet to find all her coffee cups are gone
- A stupid lost sock of hers shows up out of nowhere
- All the books she's poured through year after year, now stacked neatly back on the family bookshelves
- The blanket she uses when we watch chick flicks, folded on the rack
- Empty hangers where her clothes hung
- First day of school pics - everyone's, not just mine
- She packed away in the attic, all her trophies, ribbons and alot of childhood memorabilia
- Scanning through our homeowner's insurance, making sure her personal property in her dorm room is covered
About this time of morning (3am), approx. 18 years ago, sitting up in our bed counting the minutes between contractions for 2 hours, with my thoughts and fears to myself while Gerald slept unaware, I never would have dreamed that the labor pains bringing our first child into this world, were not nearly as painful as the labor was going to be when letting her go.
Roots and wings. There's no good way to stretch those roots when they're ready to fly. It's hell, people; and I suspect the pain takes a long time to wane.
That's all I can do for now. All I can say. All I can type.
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