Wishing You A "Doghouse-Free" Christmas

This was forwarded to me today and it made me laugh.

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1370868150/bctid3130509001

Blindfolds and Blankets

What is it with my kids recently?

First #4 decides it would be a good idea to walk through his room, toys scattered everywhere, with a blanket covering his head. This is why some people think we evolved from monkeys.

*Boom!* Falls right on the corner of his wooden bed, with the impact to his eye area. His hands were caught under the blanket so his eye took the brunt.

No stitches but a big black eye for Halloween and a $30 visit to the pediatrician to check out his orbital plate. Results inconclusive but, Eureka! $1675 worth of xrays later, he's declared normal as can be...for a kid that likes walking blind. Thank goodness for Blue Cross and Blue Shield.

Three weeks later.....

#3, #4, and #5 decide to play a game. #1 who is babysitting doesn't think twice about blindfolding them all for the game; after all, it'll keep them quiet, right? I would have acquiesced, as well.

They all go tromping around the family room, crowded with family room stuff, building supply stuff and master bedroom stuff (we're remodeling). #3 *thinks*, "hmmm...I MUST be right by the sofa so I'm going to fall down and make everyone laugh."

Problem was she was actually right above my cedar hope chest.

*Boom!*

We're in the thrift store checkout line, enjoying our Saturday when we get the call. Everyone's calm so hubby says to put a wet washcloth on it and put pressure on it until we get home.

Five minutes later we walk in the door to a trail of blood leading to the bathroom and Molly holding back sobs. I take one look and there's no doubt she's getting stitches...again. This is the fifth or sixth time for her; we've lost count. I drive her to the Women & Children's Center at the hospital, walk into the pediatric ER and we're the only ones there - unbelievable.

$50, two hours and ELEVEN stitches later, we're on our way home for Motrin and some rest.

The bruising and swelling actually got worse until today. Thursday the stitches will come out at the pediatrician's office. That'll be $30 more. You'd think for $50, the ER could take the stitches out, as well.

There's been absolutely no horsing around for several days at our house now, per Mom's orders. It's been absolutely freezing outside so something's gonna' have to give in the next few days; hopefully, it's the weather.

Wolfs

Zac: "Hey, Mom, what's that word?"

Me: "What word?"

Zac: "You know, wolfs."

Me: "Oh, yeah, it's wolves...vvvzzz"

Zac: "wolfffs...vvvzzz"

Me: "If you have one goose, you say 'goose'; what if you have more than one, what's the word?"

Zac: "I don't know."

Me: "Geese."

Zac: *laughs*

Me: If you have one deer, you say 'deer'; what if you have more than one, what's the word?"

Zac: "TWO deer!"

Me and Zac: *laugh, laugh, laugh*

Practical Economics

Number 3 has been working on a loose tooth for about a month. Today, it finally popped out. The air is thick with anticipation of the tooth fairy's arrival this evening.

The tooth was paraded around the house on a tiny piece of tissue, first to all the siblings who were less than ecstatic and then to Dad and Mom. Obviously, we were to alert the fairy.

Molly: "Dad! Look! My tooth fell out."

Dad: "Cool...what's that, a cavity?"

Molly: "No, it's a filling, Dad!"

Me: "You know that cuts the value in half, right?"

Molly: "No, it's silver, that means I get more."

Gerald and I: *LOL* *LOL* *LOL*

Me: " I already paid for that silver once. You should have picked a better time to lose your tooth; it's not a seller's market right now, kiddo." *wink*

TAGGED

So, I've been TAGGED by Tammi, who used to be my friend. I thought we were on the same team, Tams?!? How could you tag a teammate?

Being tagged means that I'm required to fulfill some sort of requirement; in this case, the requirement is listing seven random things about me. To me, this means they're things that are probably oddities, otherwise, why would I not have shared them by now? It's taken me awhile to think of seven weird things about myself that I would like to share in Bloggerland but, alas, here goes:

1. I hang clothes back on the hangers at stores.

But the kicker is I hang ONLY the items that are hanging off halfway. Items that have already found their way onto the floor, I rarely save. It's an OCD, I guess - it bothers me when an item is hanging there half-cocked. I sometimes wonder if the cashiers notice and if I'm the only one with this quirk. Maybe they'll offer me ajob.

2. Appliance lights bother me.

When my dishwasher has completed its cycle, a little green light comes on; same thing with my washer/dryer and coffee maker. It doesn't matter how hectic my day is or how many schedules with which my brain is overwhelmed, if the little green signal is on when I walk through the kitchen or laundry hall, it catches my eye. I then MUST immediately stop my task at hand, do whatever I have to do to make the little lights go out and then I proceed with my tasks. I guess I feel like my appliances can then truly rest. Must have something to do with watching The Brave Little Toaster too much. My appliances have brains and they care that I notice that their jobs are completed so they can then go out and save Johnny from the world.

3. I'm a home laundry detergent chemist.

My hubby and I prefer different laundry soaps. He likes Tide. He thinks it's the only detergent out there that truly cleans clothes because that's what his mommy used (that's my Freudian theory). I buy whatever is my mood on the days we run out of laundry soap and I think it bothers Gerald that his clothes rarely smell the same way twice and that's funny to me (that's my passive-aggressive nature). Lately, no detergent out there fits my personality completely so I've taken to buying different kinds of detergents that I "sort of" identify with, taking them home and mixing them together. I load the clothes, don my white scrubs, snap my protectice eye equipment into place and put in a beaker of this and a beaker of that and then start the cycle. One day, I'm expecting a chemical reaction to produce a genie that will do all my housework so I can just sit and eat those bon-bon things I keep hearing about.

4. I applied to the FBI and was accepted.

Unfortunately, the first "W" put a hiring freeze into place so I didn't get a call to come work for them until I'd already been married for awhile and then moved to Florida. (Did I mention that it was a job with the secretarial pool?) Yeah but I still had to take several hard tests, pee in a cup while an agent was in the bathroom monitoring me, I was fingerprinted and both my and Gerald's entire family (we were engaged) was thoroughly investigated. Does it say something about me that I found it more eery to be fingerprinted than to have a female agent standing guard just inches from the specimen cup? I felt guilty and I'd never even had a ticket.

5. My favorite form of Art is nudes.

With a background in stifling legalism where especially the female body is presented as evil, the realization that my body is a work of art, with all of its curves and allure created on purpose *gasp* by God, opened my eyes to the beauty of those photographs and sculptures and, ultimately, the beauty of all of creation. I'm biased toward female nudes - we just have better lines.

6. I want to be a Forensic Scientist.

My husband has been on me for awhile to go back to school and finish my degree. I had two years of college and then took a job, planning on taking night classes but I never went back. Then came love, then came marriage... I studied to be a secretary b/c I was really good at right-brained stuff - organizing, typing, shorthand, grammar. In legalism, where they don't push girls to be anything but minister's wives or teachers, not one teacher tried to broaden my horizon. Now that I've lived, if I go back to school, I'd like to take some classes in forensic science and genetic chemistry. I stink BIG-TIME in math, especially formulas, so being realistic, I'd never go for a degree in those fields but I'd love to dabble.

7. I want to live:

1. in New York City for a year
2. in a cottage in the middle of a lavendar field in Ireland for a year
3. on the beach...forever

I've fulfilled my obligation - Yea! I tag Lindsey, my cousin and Sarah, my friend.

Do You Know What Your Kids Are Doing?

Last night Gerald and I were clear across town (which here, means only 20 minutes), around 8:30ish when I called to give Anna instructions for showers and bedtime.

As as afterthought before disconnecting, I said in my best Mom voice:

"You older three kids can turn the TV on after the younger three have gone to bed; just be careful what you watch."

Anna: "Oh, that's okay, Mom, we're playing poker."

Ha. Oh, well. :0)

Mmm...Eggs

Who has time for blogging when you're trying to put Humpty together again?

Ha. Ha.

You should have seen him trying to get into the car to go to Kindergarten and proudly recite his nursery rhyme. I finally helped a little fella' out and gave his tush a little shove. I thought I might *pop* his innertube love handles. His booster seat? Forget about it - didn't happen.

He was one of two humptys but in my humble opinion - my baby was cutest.

Thank you, Grandma

You know, you never know when something you send to someone is just what they needed, right then, right there.

God works through my Granny like that on a constant basis. There's always a "forward" in my inbox from her...from HIM.

When did she realize her greatest happiness? Sitting on the floor with her
grandchildren, playing games, eating pizza or reading a story, a simple gift
from God.

Thank you, Grandma. I love you. You've always been an inspiration in my life - even from miles away. You're a gift to our entire family and held in high regard. Love you.

PARENT JOB DESCRIPTION

POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life, must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Z and the Bee

Z is our youngest and from time-to-time, wiggles into that stereotype fairly well. Yesterday, he apparently was one of many class clowns, which rewarded him with a yellow card. But that's just Zac and as long as he's not consistently moving up the Candyland Road of Discipline, I mark it up to his personality. There is plenty of time to deal with that when he's not so cute.

That personality shined bright yesterday and made me forget about that yellow card hanging on the board. Leaving school, we were walking down the sidewalk and he was doing that skip-walk thing that all young kids do when their world is grand. He was chattering about what he was going to bring into class for "O" day when he abruptly stopped, swung his little arm around and said, "Whoooa, Mom, was that a bee?!?

Me: "I don't know, I didn't see it."

Z: " I think it was."

Me: "Did it go, 'zzzz' when it flew by?"

Z: "No, I didn't hear that but I know it was a bee."

Me: "Oh yeah, how do you know that?"

Z: ...pause...because it smelled like honey!"

And with that, I forgot all about the yellow card.

About A Woman

For years now, I've been wondering who started the phenomenon that is the virtuous woman. That perfect, seemingly one-woman show in Proverbs 31, that is the bane of the female existence - at least those females who have grown up under any kind of legalism.

My high school proudly reared its' females under their "Biblical" notion that the only truely godly woman was a Proverbs 31 woman; to hell with the rest of 'em - literally. It was the standard by which each female should beat herself up and by which all females should judge each other. It was the standard to which any godly husband should have held their pretty, but prone to be wicked, wives.

Everytime I think about the garbage that they seared into my brain, based upon a convenient but incorrect interpretation of a wonderful passage that is meant to celebrate the strength of all women, my heart starts to ache in anger. Anger at my own teenage stupidity and anger toward their carefully disfigured truth. I feel like I should have been able to filter their truth from real truth or that at the least, somebody should have rescued me. Unfortunately, Proverbs 31 became a passage that ended up being used by me, and I would guess by many a female, to self-crucify spiritually, emotionally and by default, physically.

My Junior year, I was voted Homecoming Queen by my peers and while I have to admit that I accepted the part outwardly, I was very uneasy and highly uncomfortable at the time I found out that I had been nominated; it was an ominous feeling as they put the crown upon my young head. That was a tremendous and unfair amount of pressure to put on a teenage girl who knows nothing of life beyond high school. At almost 40, I'm just now beginning to understand all that would have to be sacrificed, in order to be that woman; and at almost 40, I'm just now wise enough to know that nobody should even try to live up to such a fantasy because it absolutely destroys the "alive" in your soul.

At 17, however, I had a good enough head on my shoulders to realize that I was NOT what the school had been shoving down our throats that week as the picture of a virtuous woman; there were only a few of us who were naive enough to think there was anybody out there like that - not even our own mothers. Nobody I knew could have attained such high degrees of perfectionism at just 17 years of age, but I guess I was the one they considered the best representation of who we were as a class. I didn't want the nomination, the crown or the pressure but I had been so brainwashed to obey, that I drank the Koolaid. I didn't know it was okay to question; that it was okay to distrust those who call themselves Christian; that it was okay to say, "No thanks, I'll retain my soul for the Real Deal."

Ironically, there was one girl in our class who was nominated along with me that possessed the essence of the virtuous woman, even at 16 or 17 years of age. She was mature beyond us all, I now realize; however, the school disqualified her b/c she chose to attend a church youth function over Homecoming. Now that is hypocritical-legalism in its' truest form; to discriminate against yourself, basically, and to be so blind, you don't see the idiocy in your actions. It's the most perfect self-portrait ever. Legalism painted itself that day.

By the time I started my Senior year, much of what these "godly" people spoke to us went into one ear and came out the other without so much of a jot or tittle phasing us. We were in a rebellion and rightly so. We had seen so much hypocrisy and holding of the Scriptures hostage to their interpretations, to suit their own agendas, that we literally rebelled. We made it clear that for our entire Senior year, we were there for our diplomas and nothing else; we weren't listening anymore. But just as music and images do a slow-burn into our subconscience only to covertly re-emerge later, so did the concept of the perfect super-woman that was pushed into our brains, year after year, as part of their original, Homecoming tradition.

Several years later, my life started out joyous enough because as a newlywed, my hubby was of course, Prince-Do-Nothing-Wrong, in my eyes. For my part, I knew I wasn't the perfect woman but subconsciously, I tried so hard to be. I tried to be a perfect wife, making a good home and life for us. The little squabbles came and went but this concerned me none. We floated along the first couple of years, boosted by a successful business and therefore a relatively easy life. We worked constantly and we were together constantly; our arguments were usually about putting too much pepperoni and cheese on a pizza. Life was bliss and I had no idea what was around the bend. I'd been setup for failure.

Well, it's dinner time.

See, I'm a cruel, wicked woman. :0)

Worst Day of the Year

First day of school every flippin' year.

I hate it. Call me a strangefellow because I like mingling about with my kids. Twenty years ago, I would have called my future self, weird.

I love having them home, arguing about whose boogers are bigger, complaining about chores, crying b/c someone shot 'em point blank in the eye with a water gun, having their friends over everynight, running up the snack food bill, renting chick flicks and sleeping 'til noon. Ahh, summer-summer, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo...

I'm in G's ear all the time about how the kids NEED three months summer vacation again; how I need three months of summer vacation again. Soon the dreaded book reports and math homework will start and I'll feel more burdened than I did when I was in school. Isn't that the ultimate irony? Who cares if my Mom wished my children to be downright, rotten little scoundrels when I was a smart-arse teen? That would be bliss to not have to be the responsible adult, making sure everyone's projects are completed on time (note, I didn't say in a timely manner - I've given up on that - we're a family of procrastinators) and grades are somewhat acceptable. It stinks up ten months of my life every year. Gerald totally agrees that the kids need the extra month but is mandated by law to provide so many days of school each year. We could get rid of Fall and Spring Break, he says, but I say, shut up! that's crazy talk.

I'm mopin' around the house, severly limited by the amount of clutter that is to be a garage sale next Saturday...to pay for the extracurriculars around here - like our bedroom and bathroom that we just gutted. Yep, been sleepin' in the ole' family room for two weeks, our fireplace mantel serving as a closet and the seven of us sharing two bathrooms. I'm not unfamiliar with bathroom sharing, for the better part of my life at home, five of us shared one bathroom; however, when the status quo has been a private, adult bathroom, it takes a little getting used to the kids' toothpaste all over everything, floss lying around the counter, floors wet and slippery, bar soap that's sitting in the drain, all spongy, shampoo bottles that are empty...again and pirate ships floating in the shower with you. Privacy is the least of my concern.

The worst part of the whole deal though, is that pretty much on a conistent basis, I get into bed and find cracker crumbs all over - those suckers ITCH. The kids apparently figured out that watching TV, while sitting in Dad and Mom's bed, was kickin'. So, while I've been at work and G's been at pre-planning, they've all been scrunched in, snug and warm, eating anything that crumbs and then later using the bed as a trampoline, to evenly spread the crumbs to spots that are inexplicably unreachable to adult limbs, until bedtime. So, you think you've got all the crumbs swept up, you're cursing the kids under your breath trying to come up with an appropriate punishment for kids that feel safe and comfy in your bed but molest it w/crumbs. You're exhausted, you wriggle in, adjust your pj's, turn over twice, get your extra pillow tucked under your armpit just right, tuck the sheets around you, get your tootsies covered, start to drift off and freakin', freakin', freak! You're crumb-scratching.

I'm not sure there is anything I hate worse than crumbs in my bed.

Except for, the first day of school.

Magnolia Grandma

For Grandma Ellen.



Would someone (family) mind printing it off for her?

I took this picture back in May at the Birmingham Zoo. Why the zoo? Heck, if Iknow. Zoo...80 first graders...boredom...take your pick.

It's a closeup of a Magnolia bloom. My Grandma Ellen once commented about how pretty Magnolia Trees were (in pictures) and she would love to see a Magnolia Tree. She also heard they were huge. I've never forgotten that comment and, she's right, they're huge and they're beautiful, especially in full bloom. This picture is just a small bloom and it probably would cover my five year old's entire face. Perspective.

However, the darn trees NEVER stop growing and become a nuisance if you don't trim them regularly. Their leaves are huge also, as you can well see and they drop constantly, not just in the fall like most other tree leaves.

The flowers though, only last as long at the first big wind; they are a beautiful contrast of stark white against the very dark green leaves but the white quickly starts to spot brown. Beautiful, nonetheless.

We have a Magnolia on just about every property around us. I was a tad disappointed when we decided to buy our house that there was not even one huge, beautiful Magnolia to be found. Not long after we bought the house, I was commenting to a neighbor that I was mulling over buying a Magnolia sapling. "NO!" she exclaimed, "the trees are a pain and if you don't keep them under control, they're major trouble."

We still have yet to buy a sapling even though I'd love to go against neighborly wisdom and plant one anyway. We do have some neighbors that just let theirs grow out of control and they're quite a sight to see, with limbs extending all the way to the ground that create a cave-like enclosure. My kids like to play under them, as it's cool in temperature and as a fort/playhouse/hideout/club headquarters/chill zone.

Click on the picture and print it, someone, will ya' and then pass this along to Grandma Ellen, with my love.

More Monday than Usual

I'm officially a working mom as of the last two weeks. *Please, hold the applause until the end.* It's a school uniform store, not rocket science, but it has me dealing w/Moms who can be severely anal and they're on my everlasting nerve today. The job is only part-time and will be significantly moreso after school starts next week, so I'll still be in the SAHM club, just a little more wigged out than I used to be.

Mondays. I remembered today why I hated them so, back when I was a "career woman". I forgot to time in this morning so when I timed out for lunch, the computer was actually timing me in to work for the day. My day was all backward after that.

Well, just thought I'd check in to see who might be reading; apparently, everyone has checked out since my signing off last month. Bums.

Well, off to bed, it's late.

Fibber McGee

I admit it - I'm a Fibber McGee. We use the term affectionately around here when we catch someone in a white lie. Whatever that means.

Despite having sworn off any new posts just a short month ago, I had to post a video for family. Friends are welcome, as always, because honestly, mostly I like you better. And I'm sure I'll pay for that sentence. Oh well.

So, how are things in your neck-o-the-woods, 'cause let me tell ya', it's been hellishly hot in Alabama and it's not yet even August.

How hot is hellishly hot? Here's a visual for you:



Please note THE TIME on the clock....

That's PM! (although it was actually only 4:30 - cheap batteries.)

What in the H.E. (fill in your choice)?!?

Under such harsh conditions and with four of my own and three of their friends sleeping over for three nights, I only had one choice...throw them ALL in the pool, ALL DAY. The pool water felt just slightly less refreshing than bath water in HADES.

So, boredom struck after spending five or six hours in the pool, (not really thaaat long, Mom...crossing my fingers behind my back ;] ) the kids had a grand idea and I just "happened" to have my camera handy. The grand idea kept them content for another hour, at which point we emptied a popsicle box for the fifth time this week, then went inside for some Hannaaahhh Montanaaaa. Woo! What? ME? A CYNIC? I'm not a cynic, palease.

Watch this cool video and stay COOL wherever you are. :0)

Signing Off

About nineteen months ago, Five Kids and A Life jumped through a portal, entering the blog-o-sphere.

The time has come to jump back through.

For me, Five Kids and A Life was a therapist, a journal, a second look, a mentor, a lifeline.

It was double espressos and it was valleys of lavender. It was rush hour and it was Calgon.

It was great.

Thank you.

Save Me From Me

A few weeks back, I mentioned a book that I was reading, Lord, Save Us From Your Followers. I just finished the last page and it was eye-opening, heart-wrenching, guilt-inducing. There are a few issues I am still deciding just how I feel about but for the most part, I think the author is right-on.

I about fell out of bed when I discovered that the book was just the tip of the iceberg. The author of the book is a filmmaker as well, and spent two years filming a documentary of the same name. It's coming to select theatres in June but I'm thinking about ordering a live-streaming video of it right now - at 3:30 in the morning. Take a preview; see if you aren't highly intrigued.

Spaghetti Anyone?

For several weeks now, there has been a contest encouraging parent attendance at the Academy's State of the School event. Whichever class averaged the highest, received the honor of "spaghetti-ing" their particular principal, as well as, G. The initial event was canceled due to tornadic weather and the administrators breathed a sigh of relief until they found out the dreaded pasta party was able to be re-scheduled.

Saturday dawned, the deal went down and it stunk...all the way home and despite a shower - twice. Cleaning Ragu out of my husband's ears was not in our vows (no, "for worse" does NOT cover voluntary acts of stupidity). Gross does not even begin to convey what I was thinking as I was dry heaving. I'll never look at his ears the same way again.

Today I washed the sheets - call me what you like, but I prefer the scent of lavender over parmesan.

One Thing I've Learned

Do you have those people in your life that can make you feel about *yay* tall?

Yeah, you know.

I have two of them and they both hit me two days apart this week--nice timing. They seem to think that my life revolves completely around theirs or that maybe I don't really have a life at all. Or maybe, it's just that the things I do as a SAHM are not so important that they can't be dropped on a whim for the sake of their whim, worry or whine. They'll say they don't think that way about me and my life but their actions SHOUT differently.

Sorry, but I don't play that game though I played it for many, many years. Through alot of pain and loneliness and soul-searching, I've grown up and come to realize within that past four years or so, that my life revolves around whom I decide it does at any given moment. I've also learned that if I don't take time for myself to do the things that I really enjoy, I die a slow death everyday and life's too short for that. Sometimes that infringes on other people's expectations of who or what I should be to them, specifically the expectation that I should be everything to all people at all times because, after all, that's what moms do - right? Proverbs 31 I am not. I have my own interpretation of that passage anyway and it has nothing at all to do with being a perfect woman, wife, daughter and mother. That's another blog for another l-o-n-g day - summer solstice wouldn't be long enough a day.

So when these two people that I love passionately decide that I haven't measured up to their standards, yeah, they can still make me feel *yay* tall but I've learned to overcome, keep right on putting one foot in front of the other and posting a blog about it. :0) I'm not perfect and I've learned to live with that; now they just need to learn to deal with that.

Thanks for listening.

Faux Pas

I remember the first time we drove past our house and saw the 'for sale' sign in the yard, after all, it was only two years ago.

This is how the conversation (sort-of) went:
"Look! - the yard is huge (for the kids) and fully landscaped (for my ego) with awesome, mature plants; we wouldn't have to do a thing to it (for G's mark one off the more-crap-to-do-on-Saturday list)."

Two Years Later...
"Man, I wish you made enough to hire landscapers; how much you think your bonus will be?"
"Shut up, who cares, I'm hot."
"You shut up and I care 'cause I'm sick of being out here with you and the mosquitoes, you freak."
"Your mom's a freak."

We digress from there, and well, this is a sort-of-PG blog, so...

WoW, is it ever alot of work and it never ends. Ignorance is bliss should probably be our family motto, at least G's since he's the REALLY ignorant half. BTW, we love each other passionately; yeah, it's still a pretty H.O.T. romance - War of the Roses-hot, - that's why we converse that way; see how that works? Back to the point...

Today was the perfect day for working outside: high around 70, sunny with a slight breeze and nothing on the schedule. So, we grabbed all our gear and went to work.

After a few hours, Gerald suggested Molly go over and ask our neighbor to come over and play since she had been standing by her driveway, on and off, watching our kids play.

She is Zac's age. She has two younger brothers and another sibling just a few weeks away. She just loves to watch our kids play and is always yelling, "Hi, Mooolly!" across the street. Last week her family came over and was taking a look-see at Anna's remodeled room and the rest of the house, as they had never been in it. We had told her then that we'd have her and her brother over soon, so today was a great day to come through on that offer.

The kids played quietly, running 'round and 'round the house; in and out, in and out the doors. They played basketball, put on the roller skates, took dolls in and out of strollers, played guns, pirates, dinosaurs, barbies and smoked a pack of Marlboros (just seeing if you're paying attention). I don't know what all was going on, I just know that they were entertaining each other and Zac had quit asking for popsicles every five minutes.

Pretty soon, Molly comes up to me and says, "Mom, look, Ella Grace is riding Zac's bike."
"Cool," I said, half listening as I was trying carefully to prune my two Azaleas to exactly the same height, while singing along to Faith Hill, Fergie and Macy Gray.

Zac had just had his training wheels taken off today; just a sidenote you need to know.

So, Molly insists again. "Mo-Om, LOOK at Ella Grace!"
I half turn and glance in her direction, "Mmm-hmm, make sure she stays out of the street."
"But Mom, that's the first time Ella has ridden without training wheels."
"Oh, I'm sure she's done that before, Molly; she wouldn't be that steady."

I go on pruning, pulling weeds, raking and doing an 80's dance-move that embarrasses my 13-going-on-30 (but turns on G - remember H.O.T. romance), until I see Ella's dad coming over to get her and her brother for dinner. We walk inside the garage door to the kitchen and the kids are eating Goldfish; Ella sees her dad and immediately makes a beeline out the front door. We look at each other and just shrug. Charlie, her brother, comes out of the bathroom having trouble with his belt so that distracts us. I tug Charlie's pants into a more decent position and we all walk back out the garage door.

We're chatting as we come out into the driveway and there is Ella with a bicycle helmet on, riding in circles. "Look, Daddy!"
"Whoa! You're riding without training wheels!"
Then, with slightly less enthusiasm, "We should have got that on vid....." and he trails off.

Awkward silence and a little huh-huh laugh as I realize, "Crap!" and want to jump into the back of the mower as Jake comes around the bend.

It HAD been her first time after all. Her Dad and Mom had missed getting video of Ella Grace on HER OWN bike, Dad holding onto the back, riding out HER OWN driveway all wobbly and wide-eyed.

She's not second or third in the sibling line-up either, she is their first. There will never be another first, first.

Sure, they can re-enact it but they'll always know it wasn't the VERY first time.

I have guilt much like Rex in Toy Story; yes, guilt THAAAAT big. At the least, I should have sent one of my kids over to get her parents and their video camera, just in case. Stupid, stupid, STUPID-Fergie.

I feel like I should send over an expensive apology dinner and a card stating something like this:

"I'm sorry for that moment...that you'll never get back...because of me (and Faith, Fergie and Macy)."
Love (or not),
Your Idiot Neighbor (who has five kids, the last of which hasn't seen a video camera...ever.)

Squirrely

I stayed up really late last night, after having spent all day at school and then going straight to a middle school track meet with my kids. The meet ran a couple of hours behind and was 1/2 hour from home so by the time the kids fell into bed, it was close to 10:30.

Molly had a field trip to our state capital, Montgomery, yesterday--fourth grade here, being the year of the dreaded state history reports and the state capital trip. She had to be at school yesterday morning at 5:15 a.m. so she and I had awakened at 4:30 so that she'd have time to get ready and download songs on her MP3 player.

I came home last night with the intention of sending out a quick email to all the room moms, outlining the plans about our upcoming teacher appreciation week (which is May 5-9th if you have a teacher you appreciate). Well, by the time I outlined all the details, it was way past my bedtime.

But did I go to bed? NO. I stayed up, looking online for something so important I cannot even remember it now. Imagine that. I didn't get to bed until 5:30 this morning, which means that I was awake for 24 hours straight.

So, is it any surprise that this morning, I turned my alarm off without knowing it and with storms rolling into town today, it was dark outside. Gerald woke me up in a panic saying, "Do you know it's 7:45?!?" Duh, if I knew that, would I still be sleeping? We're supposed to be leaving for school at 7:45. I told him to get ready and I'd bring the kids in late.

After dropping the kids off at school, I was pulling into the drive and I see a squirrel and what I think is another squirrel in the first squirrel's mouth. I stop and stare to no avail because I'm so tired my eyes won't focus that far away. The squirrel is sitting at the bottom of a tree at the property line of us and our neighbors and I'm thinking, "Aren't squirrels vegetarians?" But I'm not really certain if they are and I'm not really certain what the squirrel has in his mouth. But it was something with a tail EXACTLY like the squirrel's that was holding it and the "captured mystery-animal's" tail was moving around like a squirrel's does. At this point, I'm just thinking that I need to go in, chew on a handful of coffee beans and then go back to bed for an hour. As I walk to the front door, I keep staring, craning my neck and squinting my eyes, trying to figure it out. Then, I see my neighbor peer out her window looking at me like she thinks I'm staring at her inside her house; I'm staring at the squirrel-in-a-squirrel. I quickly retreated to the front porch and ran inside.

It's just been the oddest morning. I feel like I'm in a Twilight Zone episode.

Well, my washing machine just kicked on. I set it to delay for an hour so that I could take a hot shower - instead, I've obviously blogged for that hour. I'd better go before storms and lightning start blowing in or the hot water runs out...again. I can't believe I've been sitting here, reading emails and blogs and typing this post for an hour. I think I'll just go back to bed.

Maybe I'll dream about the squirrel...s

Whatcha Readin'

I read more than one book at one time. Usually, it's at least three. Have no idea why. I guess there are so many books and so little time?

Right now, one of the books I'm reading a friend gave to me to read after her S.S. class finished it; it's titled Love and Respect. Actually, I've been NOT reading it for about three weeks now because chapter two of the book irked me and I'm still working through it--which means that I disagree with the book and I haven't had time to sit down and study the problem through. Been thinking about pulling my readers into the controversy but I don't have time right now for a post that deep or the ensuing comments. My friend had a problem with the book at the same point but her S.S. teacher worked them through it; I'm not buying the logic/interpretation though and I think she and I are gonna have to go for coffee and discuss it further.

Flipside of that, another book I'm reading I hate to put down every night. I read it until my eyes start going in and out of focus. So I blink hard and try to force my eyelids open, usually to no avail.

The book is Lord, Save Us from Your Followers and if I start to summarize it, I'll end up telling you too much so I won't even begin. It's a great read--actually, an excellent read in my opinion. It's not a deep book and yet it is. Just go buy it.

Or request to read it in my comments section and I'll happily send it along on a journey when I'm finished dissecting it.

Seriously, I will. Recycling at it's literary finest? Maybe.

Hop-A-Thon Update

In one of my posts last week, I mentioned that Zac's preschool was going to have a Hop-A-Thon soon to benefit the MDA; it's part of their curriculum-taking a week to learn about disabilities and people with disabilities. It's been interesting to hear his take on the subject.

This past Friday was their official Hop-A-Thon and he hopped 313 times in five or ten minutes.

And he still didn't take a nap.

Nor did he go to bed early.

I did.

If you're still interested in giving to MDA through Zac, you actually have until April 3rd (Thursday) to donate, even though the link lists the deadline as today. Just click here to get to the link.

Thank You.

Secrets

I'm getting ready to head out the door for the day but wanted to write a quick post.

Secrets...I have a few and I'll share one with you.

I purchase many items online, especially at Christmas. Many companies have great online deals; I think it has something to do with cheaper advertising online, compared to other forms of media and probably lower overhead.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so what's the secret?

Before I purchase anything online, I go to www.retailmenot.com and look for coupon codes. Now, I personally know that there are numbers of coupon code sites out there but this one works! You just type in the company that you would like a coupon for and up pops a list of them with different coupon offers. The best thing about this site is that each coupon gives it's success rate; so you don't waste your time with a coupon code that is too good to be true.

I've had great success with this site and that's why I go back to it consistently. My best savings so far was this past Christmas season. I was looking to buy one of my five a Leapster handheld but they're expensive--even on sale. I figured that once I bought the game system and one game, Andrew's Christmas was over. Being seven, one gift would not cut it.

So, I looked at www.leapsteronline.com and BooYah! they were having a great sale--something like 30% off most of their products. So, I of course go to retailmenot.com and look for Leapster coupon codes, crossing my fingers they would work on clearance prices.

I plugged in the codes and they worked! I received an extra 15% off AND FREE SHIPPING. I used two coupons and they both worked.

I. WAS. AMAZED.

Right then and there, I was hooked; a loyal online customer.

Call me a cynical consumer but isn't this unheard of in the retail world? Normally, it's "only one coupon, per visit, per person." or "We don't participate in taking those coupons."

I used the site just this morning and, once again, it saved me 20% on items already on sale.

Go there. Be a thrifty consumer. You won't be disappointed.

Soliciting and Stripping

Feeling a little ornery today, hence my post title.

Hahaha.

I'll be pulling head room mom duty and soliciting donations for Teacher Appreciation Week all day tomorrow - WooHoo - yah, right.

Saturday, I'll be stripping the painted-over wallpaper in our bedroom that the previous owners left to us. I'm hoping to have enough time left over for priming the Dining Room walls for paint. I'm going a shiny, gray/silver trying to stay neutral without browns. I'm tired of browns but I'm scared of bold colors--at least on my walls. I'm REALLY picky about shades of colors and I don't totally trust the color swatches at the stores. I can see the colors I want in my head but it doesn't always translate correctly in reality. So, I go color with my furniture, curtains, etc. I'm thinking the gray/silver will make my burgundy curtains and chairs pop. Pics will follow if all goes well.

Sunday...still up in the air. Hubby will be in Dallas and even though we started teaching S.S. again last week, I'm thinking I'll be at home helping Number 3 make final preparations for her Alabama History Notebook. It's been a nightmare project because she is so overwhelmed with schoolwork every single night so on the weekends she just wants to be a 10-year old little girl and...PLAY. I'm obliged to let her b/c she's a smart cookie and I'm a firm believer in playtime making those little neurons in the brain electrify.

Okay, and admitedly, I'm a firm believer that Moms need kids to go outside and play so they can finish projects...

Or take TV veggin'-out breaks with a big, tall glass of cherry coke on ice with extra grenadine. Mmmm. Hey, anyone for Black Bean Brownies? It's the recipe I'm trying out tonight and I'll let you know how good they taste. They're made with Agave Nectar so diabetics can eat them...and they're flourless, yay!

All this said, I'm signing out for the week but only after I post another Spring Break Chronicle late tonight.

Monday, ya'll!

Five Hours to Paradise - Spring Break '08

Would you believe Jake's fav subject this semester is Drama?

Two introvert parents--how does something like this child happen? The mystery of DNA.

Little does he know that he was dancin' to an 80's singer - Kylie Minogue.

Rock on, Jake! He was quite the entertainer for the five hour drive to Gulf Shores.

I think Anna almost wet her pants; you can hear her laughing in the background. If I'd known it was this easy to put videos on Blogger (about 5-8 min upload for 51 secs), I'd have taken more...with my camera. Amazing little things now days, huh? Do I sound old or what (shut up, Mark)?

More Spring Break Chronicles to come...

Shameless Solicitation

Just back from Spring Break and I'm asking for money.

But, it's for a good cause.

And today is Good Deed Tuesday.

Click here for info to help Zac help the MDA during a Hop-A-Thon coming soon to his preschool.

Again, for a great cause AND it's Good Deed Tuesday.

Did I already mention that? :0)

Gulf Shores Here We Come

We've had the condo booked since December and it doesn't come a day too soon. Yay!

Here's to sun, sand and heated pools overlooking the white sand Gulf.

I'll have pics when we return in a few.

Have a fun and inspirational Easter.

Trying to Spring

Series: About: My Quirks

So, spring is desperately trying to give winter the ole' heave-ho down here and I, being a person who hates being the least bit chilly, am doing my best to help spring...spring...by spring cleaning.

Cleaning--especially deep cleaning--brings out the quirk in me, and so, here we go...

A while back, I started purging my kitchen of all things made in China. I had actually started before the big recall of practically all the toys in America, which was sometime in October??? So, I've been at it, on and off, for awhile.

It started with the cheap, painted, plastic cups my children drink from--all MADE in China. I decided I'd probably have to go glass (unless MADE in China) and just cross my fingers that the kids could keep from dropping and shattering, then stepping on shards of glass. I have found in my research however, that Tupperware is made in America, so I scour yard sales and thrift stores for it. So far, I've found three that were in good enough condition, and cheap enough. They're each a different size and color, which concerns me none the least, but I don't think I'll have to worry about possible lead. (Leaching plastic--well, that's another concern about which I'm "quirkin' ".)

Next, I started going through some of my plastic storage containers and throwing them away. I started buying glass storage containers but they're pricey and not very big. So, I'm starting to look at garage sales for the old glass refrigerator containers. I went into a Kmart for the first time in years last week, and to my surprise, the Martha Stewart line carries them--and in green, my fav color. Again, though, out of my price range unless I just have some extra cash laying around and nothing to spend it on--unlikely. BTW, all of the M.S. merchandise I looked at was MADE in U.S.A. Kudos to Martha!

If you feel comfortable buying plasticware, I've looked it over at the store and I think Gladware is MADE in U.S.A. but the Lock-Lock systems and Sterilite are both China-made, as are the Take-A-Long systems. I really like the Lock-Lock products sold at Target but I think I'm gonna have to purge it or just not freeze it or heat it in the micro--both of these actions, I've read, can cause plastics to leach into food. Ugh.

It's weird, I know, but I worry about plastic sandwich bags leaching into everything lunch, not to mention, how much post-consumer waste they probably generate. Since we'd been trying to slowly go "green," awhile back I had quit using plastic bags and instead bought all those little sandwich and chip containers that were reusable, for our lunchboxes...and with five kids taking approximately five baggies a day, five days a week, we alone were making the Ziploc company stockholders happy and my hubby work a second job :0) But then, when surveying my plastic supply, all those little containers were made you-know-where, so out they went especially b/c most of the week, my kids will take leftovers from dinner the night before to heat in the micro at school. Ahhh...leaching...at school...when they're trying to learn! We're back to Ziplocs for now, until I can find those Tupperware lunchboxes that everybody used to have in the 70's--then I'll still probably send little glass containers for reheating. Unfortunately, glass containers are not allowed in preschool lunchboxes. I sent Zac a small, glass cup awhile back and got a note sent home. Tsk, Tsk. (Nevermind your child being behind in school b/c his brain is saturated with lead, please whatever you do, don't send glass :)

I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting; it's a health-quirk thing but my Mom always said that Moms have a sixth sense and if something doesn't ring true to your sixth sense, go with your sense. I just can't shake that 'what if'... what if ten or twenty years down the road these things have been found to harm my kids? When something that's so simple to change could protect my child's health, I'm gonna change it, quirky or not.

Next time...is there lead in my glass? Is a BEEF hotdog really that different? What makes a turkey organic? Who eats bee pollen? Are those worms in my corn? Starbucks for your garden? Why does cleaning make me sick? Who put the hormones in my milk?

Quirks, all of them.

And Speaking Of...

Green.

Huntsville was just this week, again named one of the top ten green cities in the U.S.

I love it! Go HSV!

Check these out--it's why we love it here.

You can watch this movie about HSV and the city's commitment to green. It's quite long (about 16 mins) but interesting.

Why Didn't I Think of That?

Real short and quick blog as I'm supposed to be "internet hunting" for original, quick and inexpensive craft ideas for girls ages 6 -8. Any ideas? Give me a holler.

The point of this blog?

Look at this (Tammi you'll love it and w/your forecasted rainy weekend, have at it, girl)!

I cannot wait to try it; as a matter of fact, I may have to go buy groceries to collect some plastic since we've already gone green.

Cool beans, huh.

Girl or Boy

Series: About: My Theories

I am a theory person; I have all sorts of them. My hubby rolls his eyes but politely listens everytime I announce that I have a new one. He thinks I'm a nut or a boob or a hoot--whatever you say in your neck-o-the-woods. My theories are all over the place, as are my blog posts and I have to say that my inconsistencies are probably the only consistency in my life.

The theory I'll reveal tonight is one of which I have somewhat tested personally.

When you're pregnant, if you're gonna have a girl, your leg hair will grow normally; however, if you're gonna have a boy, your leg hair will hardly grow at all.

Why would this be, you ask?

Simple. If you're pregnant with a boy, those hormones that cause the hair to grow on your legs is somehow absorbed by the male fetus because typically males are hairier than females and they need all the "hair hormones" they can get.

Does this mean that males who experience male pattern baldness early in life didn't absorb enough "hair hormones" in-utero? I don't know, I'm NOT a scientist, people, c'mon!

I've been pregnant five times and I started noticing with my second born, a boy, that I barely had to shave at all during the pregnancy and I wondered at the time, "Why?" I didn't notice this "trend" with my firstborn, a girl. I have to say that the absence of leg hair bothered me none the bit, as every woman ever having been with child can testify that shaving your legs is not an easy task as your tummy swells more and more each month.

I do have to say that my research may be slightly skewed, as the hair on my head didn't seem to grow less when pregnant with my sons; however, how can you truly measure head hair?

Anyway, that's my "girl or boy" theory. I've asked a few close people at the time they were pregnant, whether their leg hair was growing less. They looked at me weird.

Oh, well, that's my theory and I'm stickin' with it.

Weigh This

Just a little interesting F.Y.I.

Research from the Food and Brand Lab has been credited with improving the deeper scientific understanding of food as well as the discovery of some simple everyday insights:

A person will eat an average of 92% of any food they serve themselves.
The average person makes over 250 decisions about food each day.
The Nutritional Gatekeeper of a home influences an estimated 72% of all of the food their family eats.
Because of visual illusions, people (even bartenders) pour 28% more liquid into a short wide glasses than tall ones.
50% of the snack foods bought in bulk are eaten within 6 days.

Credit for this info goes to: The Food and Brand Lab is a non-profit research facility at Cornell University which focuses on why people buy and eat the foods they do in the quantities they do. Directed by Brian Wansink

About

Who am I...really, completely?

Do you want know?

Do I know? Do I want to know? Do I want you to know? How much do I want you to know?

Regardless, I'm going to launch an 'about' blog series that will hopefully give you insight into this blogger you're reading whose thoughts, and blogs, are constantly all over the place.

A preview of subjects I plan to cover...

MY:

• formative years
• family, growing up
• hometown
• home now
• family I'm trying to rear
• quirks
• weirdness
• travels
• love life :0)
• manners or lack of them
• OCDs
• goofies and guffaws
• faith
• joy
• sadness
• embarrassing moments
• memories
• pets - dead or alive
• like and dislikes
• strategies as a mother of five
• books
• music
• weaknesses
• regrets
• celebrations
• accomplishments
• questions
• strengths
• friends
• discoveries
• theories
• dreams
• fears
• hopes
• struggles
• thoughts
• heart

Thirty-eight years worth of "stuff" about me. Can you handle it? Can I?

Until tomorrow...

Don't Worry

Just to let everyone out there know that I'm doing fine; I'm just not blogging.

Things are really busy around here lately with year-end Bball games and Open Houses at school, with which I've been helping. I'm in charge of producing a Room Mom manual for next year so that's keeping me the most busy.

I'm in a bit of a blogging funk, as well, so everything keeping me busy keeps that burden lighter.

That's it; signing off.

They Were All Kodak Moments

Profiles in Change

That's funny.

Apparently, I've taken an interest in things Afghani and Numerical.

My Profile has mysteriously changed over the holidays; I think I may have had waaay too much of Grandma's Banana Punch. *Hiccup*

:0)

I...

Have nothing.

My journaling lobe is void.

My brain is a stinky, lost sock.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe...