As much as I like adventure and seeing, learning and experiencing new things, people, and places, moving is always so very lonely for me. I'm sure it is for most people, but this is about me. I know, Rick Warren, but humor me.
Nothing is familiar except those who move with you, and the dirty, trashed car in which you find your way around the new town. I find myself in that place now. LonelyVille - way out on the back acreage of LonelyVille; the part that hasn't been annexed by anyone; there's not even any modern utilities way out in these parts of LonelyVille. I've met hundreds of people, I am in the midst of them almost daily; and yet, I'm alone to whack down the weeds from the path I'm now traveling. I despise the whacking.
The kids have started school, establishing friends and new routines.
Hubs is off to a great start, no surprise - adventure suits him to a 't'. Nothing about moving bothers him - it revitalizes him even. If he was a superhero, he'd be "Adventure Man". Lame.
But me - total introvert. I've learned to be "on," at a moment's notice, but tbh, it's exhausting. Very.
And I find when the house is all quiet but for the ticking of the Cuckoo clock, the loneliness is deepened by the exhaustion of too many and too much "new".
At 43, I would be lying if I said I wasn't tired of "new;" and yet, this is the very life that I gave myself to so many years back when I stopped fighting and started accepting. It began before we ever began to think about moving from our home state. It actually began after Molly was born and I no longer could control my life. I was drowning, and I refused to ask for help. I was a stubborn jackass who thought I could be everything, and do everything, and know everything without knowing anything at all. So much ridiculous for one person, right?
And along came my Savior who saved me from my controlled, self-induced drowning, and said,"Just give it up; give it to Me. I'm here to help you. I won't harm you. Trust Me."
A Savior who saves us from so much more than just hell? Who woulda' thunk it, Legalism? I let Christ out of the ticket booth, and let him take control of my Ferris wheel-rollercoaster-funny-crazy life. Cause really, I'm just a clown with big trippy shoes, a honky nose, and a scary, smear-painted face that laughs and cries at the same time. He directs our circus daily. Ring Master and King of Kings. Pretty freaking awesome resume' He has.
I'm tired, but I feel better for writing all this down. I'm sure that it could very well land me in court-appointed Therapy if the wrong person reads it, or my kids use it against me one day. Hey, another adventure!
Seriously though, I'll pray for you. You pray for me. We'll get through this life with a little help from our friends, and the Ultimate Ring Master.
5 Kids 1 Great Journey
