The Great Gum Caper

Last Wednesday, Number Five and I played "chaperone" to my hubby and the Financial Admin, as she and he attended a conference in Atlanta.

It was great! We were to just hang out, swim in the heated pool and hot tub, watch some TV, eat, shop, and go see some sights.

The first sight we saw Wednesday evening was the local Target. I forgot to pack swimsuits and big tears were being shed, so we ventured out into strange territory and found the comforting, red bullseye.

After swimming, Number Five and I met back with Hubby. While eating ice cream sundaes with me and Hubby, Number Five decided that between the Atlanta Zoo and the Georgia Aquarium, sharks and penguins rated much higher than lions, tigers and bears.

On Thursday, Number Five and I slept in, talked about going swimming but little man was determined to go see Cody, first thing.

A little background:

In 2004, when we decided to move to Florida but before we physically moved, I started having this recurring nightmare that I was on a small highway, heading over a small bridge to Cocoa Beach. On the horizon, out over the sand beach and the water, everything was black. Fierce-looking, fast-moving clouds were approaching--a HUGE hurricane was making landfall at that moment and I was the only one on the road; however, I wasn't afraid of the hurricane--what I found more horrifying in my nightmare was that the only turn around was an exit onto a tollroad AND I HAD NO MONEY! After we had physically moved to our home in 2004, I was amusingly relieved when I discovered that we lived at least half an hour from any tollroad. We also lived, begrudgingly, 45 minutes from any ocean beach. In the 90's, we had lived on Merritt Island, just one or two small bridges inland from Cocoa Beach, accessed by a small highway. For a short while, until I learned the area, I always feared getting on the Beeline/tollroad accidentally and not having any money. That's where my nightmare had manifested itself. I let the nightmare get to me and eversince, I had been very, very hesitant to travel any major highways with which I was not familiar, by myself.

I wasn't about to let my little guy down. I put on my big girl panties, pulled 'em up real high, calmed my nerves with a Starbucks and the knowledge that I'd driven in downtown Kansas City traffic for years, no problem; the new car had a compass--I told myself, "just find out which direction you want to go, Amy". We headed out the revolving door towards I-85/75 and the aquarium.

We navigated smoothly with the kick-butt map that was thoughtfully printed for both male and female brain function--it used words, pictures AND landmarks. Landmarks are always my first navigational choice. We drove straight there, no wrong turns, no road construction detours. The only problem was to park at the "Official GA Aquarium Parking Lot" or the parking lot right across the street, which was half the price ($5) but whose attendant didn't look quite on the up-and-up. Hmm...a woman, by herself w/a child, not familiar with area...I paid the $10 for peace of mind.

So, Number Five and I head down the sidewalk, with a few business people, toward the Aquarium (I stayed in a group, Mom). We rounded a bend and I see the entrance and this guy with his arms straight out to his sides, being electronically frisked with "the wand". I snort and think to myself, "Nice, wonder what that guy has in his pockets; what a stupid-head, doesn't he know to empty everything into the little bowl?"

We approach the security check-point and the following scenario took place in a matter of a few seconds: I move to the right and set my backpack-purse on the table and the officer asks me to open it. While I'm complying with this and rolling my eyes, he asks me very quickly..."Mam, do you have any guns, knives or gum in your purse?" My brain stops for a minute and rewinds as I repeat his words quietly to myself, 'guns, knives or gum'? Hmm...my brain recognizes that something doesn't fit into that equation and it throws me off for a second. I was thinking 'guns, knives or bombs' ; 'guns, knives or fishing nets'; guns, knives or pepper spray'. I finally look at him, amused and repeat his question with a quizzical expression on my face, "Guns, knives or GUM?" "Yes, Mam, gum." I giggled and said, "Um, yeah, I have some gum in there somewhere." "Can you take it out, please, Mam?" "Ok-aay, whatever". I start digging--all the way to the bottom--it's a backpack-purse, like Mary Poppins' purse. I finally find a pack of gum and pull it out; I'm NOT digging for the other pack I know is in there--so I stare at him like I'm done. He holds up his gloved hand and asks me to set the gum on the table. I thought maybe he was going to ask me to back away while he used a chemical kit to check it for liquid Nitrogen :)--he just looks at me like I'm supposed to know what to do next. I'm waiting for him to rifle through my backpack, assuming we all lie about having guns and knives (or omit whole truths...like having TWO packs of gum). He doesn't--he looks at me and I look at him; he looks at me and I look at him. It hits me that maybe we're done but I don't know if I'm supposed to keep my gum. I say, "Sooo, can I have the gum back now?" "No, Mam." *Silence and more staring* "Sooo, you want me to throw the gum in the trashcan?" "No, Mam." "Leave it...until...I'm done in the Aquarium?" "If you want, Mam, but I doubt if it'll be here when you're done." "Yea, I get that but do you want me to do something with it?" "No, Mam." I'm still waiting for him to dismiss me or rifle through my purse or say something that ends the "drill". We stare at each other and crickets start chirping. Things were really awkward. I finally said, "I'll just throw it away over there in the trashcan." "Yes, Mam, if you want." Oh, I wanted to alright, because I knew that after I stepped out of sight, they were all going to take it and chew it! Nobody else entered during the exchange so I don't know if they were trying to pull one over on me but I wasn't gonna' let them have my gum. That's not the end of the story...

I was totally confused at this point (as are you, I'm sure) so I walk up to go through the metal detector and before I could even step one foot through it, the officer says, "Mam, please stop and put your arms straight out." "Seriously?" I say. "Yes, Mam." So, I oblige and it was eery. Like being molested by some invisible force. At this point, I'm a little perturbed and I look down at Number Five standing beside me; he's looking up at me with a slightly confused/scared look on his face. I can't put my arms down to touch him and reassure him so I just tell him, "It's okay, it doesn't hurt or anything." As quick as it started, it was over and we were allowed to enter...after we paid $31.50. As it turns out, five and under were free for the day, as long as you weren't hiding any guns, knives or gum in your undies.

Hi Grandma(s)

My Grandma is so cool; she reads my blog faithfully and often comments.

I love her so much; she's so great with my kids too.

Takes them dancing with her and then out for lunch and frequently visits a Kansas City landmark/museum to complete the day. My other grandma often accompanies them, which I find wickedly spectacular. Ha, ha.

Both my grandmas are classy, sassy and kind. They've both been Grand Duchess of their Red Hat chapter.

Woohoo, Red Hat Hot Mommas!

My "talent" for writing probably comes from Grandma Ellen, as does my penchant for sometimes telling my hubby where he can stick it. :0)

My mad shopping skills and thoughtful but ornery side comes from Grandma Lorene, who could sell her homemade peanut brittle and make a killing.

I'm NOT kidding (Grandma make me a bucket, please).

When I was little they were to me...

Grandma Mom and Grandma Granny.

Now I've grown up.

I love you both, Mom and Granny.

See you both soon.

Falling for Winter

Since I've become a Mom and now have the responsibility to DRIVE my little people around on snowy roads where there are STUPID people driving; furthermore, because I rarely have the luxury of enjoying the playtime that snow often yields (especially in the south where they close all schools when one snowflake penetrates the atmosphere), I am no longer much of one for cold weather. I much prefer heat and humidity. For the most part, neither of the latter-mentioned bother me much at all. I think somewhere in my lineage, we must have "Suthun" blood.

I must admit, however, that I do miss snow--fresh fallen snow to be exact. The ghostly quiet it always brings outside is the closest to heavenly peace that I think we experience here on earth. The color--indescribable white and for some reason, I always want to grab a handful and eat it--it tastes so...clean.

If anyone were to ask me what clean tastes like, I'd say, "Snow--it tastes like freshly-fallen snow."

I remember the first time I took particular notice of snow: My mother called me to our back door one night when I was maybe around seven--I don't know exactly how old I was but I do remember the quietness outside as she stuck a piece of black construction paper out the door. My curiosity was piqued of course. She pulled it back inside and revealed to me the beautiful snowflakes that landed on the dark background and told me that not one snowflake is ever the same as another. Ever since then, I find myself catching snowflakes and trying to memorize their uniqueness before they melt in my warm hand, the prism-ique beauty forever lost.

*Thank you, Mom; I know inside you is an artist disguised as my Mother. I never appreciated your creativity like I should have. Love you!*

Not surprisingly, I was so stoked to be offered this website and I've been hooked on it, much to the chagrin of my hubby who thought we were BOTH gonna' tag-team the house today...and my children who for some reason always ask ME, "Mom, when are we gonna eat?!?" :0)

More, More, More...

Did you know that there is a historical figure called, "The Snowflake Man"? Tammi may know of him--photographer of snowflakes--officially, a snowcrystal photomicrographer.

Say that three times, fast.

My kids like the websites, especially the snowflake movies; what kid, young or old, would not? It's mesmerizing and now I cannot wait until it gets cold enough here to frost my kitchen window.

Now, I need a new camera with one of those "fancy" lenses. Tammi, selling???

As Promised

This is the first halfway decent picture that we've taken together in probably....fifteen years.

(Excluding Tammi's professional photographs, of course.)

You know how in EVERY family, there is always the "weird one"?

This is ours.

Number Five--always doing something strange to get a laugh.

That's all, folks!

Bug Watchin'

Gerald and I were sitting, eating a Chimichanga for dinner tonight in our family room, while watching a new telefav of ours, "Ice Road Truckers".

The three boys were in the kitchen eating their meal, chatting about video games and how a bug with no wings made his way onto the dining room ceiling.

The two girls were having a sleepover with two sisters from school who happen to be the same ages as our girls. Cool, huh?

The anticipation of yet another round of video games made for a rather quick supper for the boys, and soon all was silent as they retreated into Jake's room.

Ahhh...the peace and quiet only video equipment can bring.

Suddenly, Zac zoomed toward the back bathroom and yelled something about "havin' to pee". Then, as quick as he had run into the bathroom, we heard "the flush" and then saw Zac zooming back towards the bedroom with video games (no, he did not wash his hands). We heard one of the kitchen chairs thump and we just assumed he had purposefully smacked it with his hand, as usual, when he was running except, all of a sudden, he let out a terrible wail and came quickly run-walking back into the family room holding his eye.

After I checked out his eye, his eyesight and the kitchen table, he finally quieted down enough to tell me how this all had happened:

"I was watchin' the bug!"

"What bug?"

"The one on the CEILING, Mom!"

He was running full speed while watching the bug on the ceiling.

Definitely, his father's child.

Back Porch Thoughts

It's been pretty quiet around here...actually, ominously quiet. No bickering, whining or pool splashing. We haven't had to fill the water level in the pool for several days. Gerald had to remember to put the trashcan out last night for garbage pickup and I haven't had to run but one load full of dishes through the dishwasher. I sort of feel lost; it's eery.

Scooter's acting weird; he misses the kids. He lays around and every once in a while, he'll get up, walk around, whine and then lay back down. He's gonna' gain ten pounds while they're gone. It's really pathetic.

Porter Five, if your reading this, I miss you deeply and love you sooo much. Hope you're having fun with Papa and Memaw...oh yeah, and beehive--:0)

Mom, if you're reading this, I'm thinking of you. Sorry about all the laundry and dishes. Kiss the kids for me and have fun.

I'm sure the kids don't miss home yet. Papa and Memaw had infinite plans to keep busy...swimming, waterpark, museums, Fritz's at Crown Center (read this too). The boys will probably go get rootbeer floats with Papa and then go ride go-karts and play video games. They'll play endless games of backyard baseball and catch fireflies, which are as numerous in Kansas City as they are in short supply here. They'll stop just long enough to watch the fireworks at the end of each game, if the Royals are playing in-town. The girls will, undoubtedly, go shopping with Memaw for a new outfit and some makeup or jewelry. Definitely shoes. Then the girls will go dancing with both their Great-Grandmas and out to eat at a fancy cafe and possibly a movie. Uncle Den will probably stop by with his "big 'ol tow truck" to give Drew and Zac a zip around the block and then wear himself out playing tag. Then to Uncle Mark and Aunt Shellie's new getaway house at The Lake of the Ozarks to swim, tube and fish. Last but not least, our family's ritual is not to be forgotten--bowling. We almost always go bowling when there is "two or more gathered together," to quote the Bible. That's not blasphemy, is it?!? I can taste the Spaghetti Red that Great Grandma Ellen will whip up for them on Thursday night, her specialty. Mmmm.

Enough reminiscing. Have to move on.

I'm enjoying spending time alone w/the love of my life, my soulmate, one of the pieces of my life puzzle, a skip of my heartbeat, a verse in my lifesong, a person the Lord above formed especially for me. Can you tell I'm still head-over-heels? Doesn't hurt that we've been alone together for a few days now. Brings back all those fresh, young-love feelings. Makes you *feel* young again, as well. It's been...refreshing.

*********

Drinking coffee this morning on the already warm (97 degree high today) back porch with Gerald, I scanned the Huntsville Times (you can access it on the left side) and two articles stuck out.

One was about people losing weight and keeping it off. It stated that one of the biggest factors in helping most of the people in the survey keep the weight off: spending less than two hours everday watching TV or on the computer. Nice. We don't watch much TV but there are days, especially in the winter months, that I definitely spend more than two hours on the computer.

I have personally found, and read, that for SAHM's, computer communication is an important "must have" in their social life. For women who spend most of their days couped inside the house doing the same thing over and over and over, day after day, it's not always easy, nor practical, for them to go out with friends for some downtime. I find this especially true for women whose hubbies work in any field "in the ministry". So, are we willing to have a slightly more "cushy" tushy in order to have a little sanity? Maybe. I think a woman who has friends, albeit cyber, is a more content woman; a more content woman is more likely to see herself in a better light and more likely to take better care of herself, including her weight/fitness level. The moral of this paragragh? I'm not sure I totally agree with the study--there are always varying factors to consider within any study and I think this is one factor that should be considered and studied, as well.

The second article that caught my eye:

Free summer movies for kids. Apparently, here in the valley, every Tuesday and Wednesday until school starts again, kids can view select, previously run children's movies for NO CHARGE. This makes me miss my kids even more--cannot wait until they return home. We LOVE movies.

Summer is so much more fleeting than it was when I was a kid. Isn't that weird for a mom to say? I know, I'm weird--I enjoy having my children at home with me. I think I look forward to days off school much more than they do. So, why don't we homeschool? Easy answer. Been there, tried it, no good at it. Plus, my kids are VERY SOCIAL; it would just kill them to not be able to interact with friends everyday. I'm chopped liver in comparison--why would any kid want to learn anything from chopped liver?

My tushy being cushy enough, I'm headed out the door to Kohl's 50% off towel sale. The towels we have, we received at our wedding 15 years ago (tomorrow) and they are finally wearing thin and turning back into thread. It's really hard to dry off with thread. :0)

Have a great day! Hug your kids today, in honor of my void. Thanks.

Destination Atlanta

Our Atlanta Vacation Slideshow.

Enjoy!

THE FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT

And last night, we dropped our daughter right into the middle of all of them.

PIRATES OF THE CARRIBBEAN III!!!

Pirates of the Carribbean I was an entertaining movie; however, I have yet to see the second and as of last night, the third. Having a pre-teen in the house, I've been experiencing the overwhelming, exciting panic of Pirates III looming on the horizon, for at least a month. All this week, we've heard Pirates this, and Pirates that and occasionally, "Oh yeah, I better go study for exams".

Anna's Seventh Grade class has been planning ever since the release date was announced, to go to the Midnight Premiere of Pirates/Carribbean III. A group of the kids from school had went to the last Premiere and the Premiere of SpiderMan, as well, and now it's something they all do. Last night, the long-awaited dream became reality.

I realized early on, that people would be dressed up like pirates but when we stood around waiting for the chaperones to show up, I began to get a little uneasy. Nobody was dressed particularly weird but they all were so old compared to my young, innocent seventh-grade child. The boys seemed especially virile and suspicious. "Don't you even THINK about looking at my daughter!" I wanted to yell at all of them, as we went over the rules again...no going to the bathroom by yourself, meet me *here* when you get out, stay with your group, use your phone to call if you feel uncomfortable, tell Mr. So-and-So if anyone hassles you. I contemplated several times going and buying a ticket and guarding my child from "the hormones" but there were a few problems with that impromptu thought:

1) Anna was looking forward, I'm sure, to not having "the parents" attend (I'll mention briefly here an interest in a certain boy)
2) If I saw Pirates III before I saw Pirates II, it would ruin the whole plot
3) Gerald was waiting for me to come home and help him grade--fun!
4) I'm fairly sure they were SOLD OUT

When the chaperoning parents came on the scene, whew--mostly Dads, I quickly and graciously took my place back in the car to drive home. One of the Dads is a towering, burly military man and I found out when I got home that he and Gerald had talked and he assured us (Gerald specifically) that he'd take care of "the boy" or anyone else should that become necessary.

I went home and graded Freshmen Bible verse exams--which is torture. I don't know why the teachers do that to themselves and what good does it do to MAKE kids memorize all those words? I had to do that all thru school and, to this day, I cannot recall a verse just because you throw out the reference. As a matter of fact, I think it burns kids out on reading the Bible and they don't actually learn the spirit of the verse, just the words to pass the test and then they forget. Gerald and I discuss this often and we disagree. BUT, that's another blog.

So, at 2:45 AM, I go pick up Anna. I stand around outside with all the smokers, obnoxiously exuberant Pirates, police and a few frisky teens, waiting for all the credits to be over. It was a LONG list of credits, which at the end, had a surprise. The Eighth Graders had earlier in the day, at the other theatre's 8PM premiere, gone to see Pirates III and leaked the info to the Seventh Graders. So I had no choice, I had to wait--NO WAY they were going to miss anything! I kid you not, the credits were fifteen minutes long!

Sure, they could have went to the 8:00 showing and saved their parents droopy eyes but where's the fun in that? It's something you do when you're young and unencumbered by life's burdens and early mornings. On top of that, they had just spent the day canoeing on the Flint River and cooking s'mores and hot dogs at a last-day-of-school party. I remember going full-speed like that.

Oh, to not be that young again but to have that energy!

Movie Review from teenagers: the movie was confusing; they'll have to see it again to understand it all. Yeah, one of those.

SPONTANEITY

Before I start, Blogger for some reason or another decided to change my format and it drove me NUTS--I fixed it three times! So, if you're big on keeping things uniform in your blogs, as I am, I apologize that Blogger cannot seem to keep it's grubby, little, digital hands off my impeccably-formatted text. :0)

You know about Hubby's Freddie-phobia.

You've met Children 2, 3, and 5.

You've seen our blog-ad for a Handsome Male, who got a new home this weekend--YAY!

You know my Brother's B-day and you've seen my lovely Sister.

You know about my First official J-O-B.

You admire my Fifteen-Seconds-Of-Fame Father--admit it.

You still don't have a picture of me. Just my choice in hairstyles.

What don't you know about us?

Our Spontaneity:

Today, after Church (around 2PM) and during our "Adult Swim Time," Gerald and I decided that we had a "hankerin' " for some Tennessee-style BBQ. So, we thought where better to go than this little BBQ joint we kept hearing about? Lots of our friends in HSV often take a day-trip and go to eat BBQ at...Sticky Fingers. Mmmm...

Have you heard of it? It's in CHATTANOOGA. That's not so crazy!

We hop out of the pool, tell the kids they have ten minutes to swim and then we take off for Chattanooga.

How far you may ask, is Chattanooga? It's only an hour and a half, people.

I know, gas prices but...

We needed to fill up anyway; so we got cheap-er gas at this one special exit that's about an hour this side of Chattanooga. It's only this ONE special exit and if you miss it, you miss the cheap-er gas (Exit #169 on I-24). That's because this particular, ONE exit happens to sit in Georgia. As a matter of fact, and interesting to boot, the state line changes three or four times between Alabama, Tennessee and Georgia, within a two-mile radius on this particular route. Our two youngest had a hard time understanding this--please follow along:

Zac: "What?! I thought we were going to Tenn-we-see, why are we in
Goigia?!?"
Drew: (After I explained it to him) "Zac, there is this little
piece of TN and GA that fit together with Alabama and that's where we
are right now!"
Zac: "Shut up, Drwew, you'rwe NOT the boss! Mom, is Drwew in charwge?!?"

Georgia always has the cheapest gas of any of the states around it--not sure why. You can bet, we always take advantage of it. We found it for $2.98/gal in case you want to stock up :0)

Now, in case you're going to be in the area soon, My Restaurant Review:

How was Sticky Fingers? It was really good. As close to
Kansas City BBQ as
we can get down south. I tried the Memphis Dry Rub
which
I've wanted to try for
a long time. As expected, I thoroughly
enjoyed it.
Gerald had the Carolina Wet
ribs and he thoroughly
enjoyed
them, as well.
The meals come with their homemade
Slaw,
BBQ
Beans and,
of course, Corn
Biscuits. You can substitute the
sides for
others at no
additional
cost.

The kid's meals are
$3.99,
which includes a soft
drink and include:
Shirley
Temples
and Roy
Rogers. Twelve and under
are considered
children and our
kids
were filled up--which means
they are good-sized
meals and
included
ribs and wings for those
kids with more "adult"
tastes.

Adult's menu start with
Appetizers around $5-8;
Sandwiches
with one side,
around $6 and Entree'
Combos from
$10-20.
Beverages run
around $2.
We didn't have
Drinks
or Desserts.
Lunch menu daily
until 3PM. Open daily at
11Am. Didn't pay attention to
closing
times. Chattanooga is
Eastern Time Zone.Where is Sticky Fingers? Off 1-24 in downtown
Chattanooga. A neat little artsy area called "Jake's Alley." At
the
same exit, there is the TN Aquarium which our kids visit in fifth
grade
and it's
always a hit. Haven't been there myself
though.
There
is
also a kid's museum at the same
exit. It's close to
Ruby Falls,
the
Incline Railway and Lookout
Mountain. Now
you have a nice
tourist
destination. I
charge 20% referral fees.
:0)

Would we make another spontaneous drive all
the way to Chattanooga for Sticky
Fingers? Well, we both said probably
not--but that was AFTER our tummies were
full, our craving for BBQ was
satisfied, the after-a-fat-meal sleep was setting
in and the 1 1/2-long trip
loomed before us. If it came down to it again and we
just needed a little
breather from hometown stuff, I think we probably would
make the
drive.

We like to drive, especially when the kids put on their headphones and watch movies. We caught an 80's station out of Chattanooga all the way back to HSV, so Gerald and I car-danced and lip-sync'd all the way home, thanks to the HUGE coffees we bought at the gas station. Gerald also likes to "sing" his special rendition to duets sung by man/woman teams. He sings the woman's part but with his regular voice. This time he sang the part of Crystal Gayle in a duet with Eddie Rabbit; it's always sort of...well, I call it freaky...and it IS.

Later, we turned on an old, Southern Gospel station and sang our own operatic-rendition of whatever Hymn the singer & organist happened to be mutilating together. We have refined our talents over the years when trying to stay awake and alert driving from Florida to Missouri; Alabama to Virginia and often, between Kansas City and St. Louis.

Our kids think we're weird and they think 80's music is lame. We think they're weird and lame and that normality and punctuality are highly overrated.

That's us; you now know more about our crazy family.

The spontaneity makes life fun for our kids, as it can be stressful on Principal's kids...especially considering the politics that go on. It blew our budget for the next eleven days and we'll have to forego groceries for the week but there's only two regular days of school left. It'll be something we'll talk about in the years to come, it keeps Gerald and I young and it's worth the stocked-up leftovers we'll be reheating from the freezer all week.

We're going to Six Flags-Atlanta next week. We do plan some things--five days ago.

The best thing about spontaneity? We planned for three kids, we were given two surprises--some of the best things in life are unplanned!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRO!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

YOU LIVE IN A ZOO

YOU SMELL LIKE A MON...KEY

AND....YOU LOOK LIKE ONE TOOOOOOOO!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARK, YOU'RE 32(?) THIS YEAR

BUT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY ANNOYING BABY BROTHER.

I LOVE YOU, MARKY!

SPLASH!!!!!

The Porter Pool is officially open for the season!

The water was still a little nippy on Monday, at 76, but the outside temp was high 80's, the water smelled inviting and we couldn't argue with the kids'...,"We're burnin' up; can we swim, pleeeease!"

The water should be just right by this weekend;

so come on over. We'll provide the towels and, of course, sweet suthun' tea.

If you happen to need a room, we might be able to oblige that, as well.

The more, the merrier!

Here's some pics of our "season opener":

Miss Molly Drama...need I say more?

She received a 10.0 for little splash.

Zac finally grew tall enough that he could touch (even w/the floating brick attached to him). He still stays against the side of the pool, though; hoping to coax him out into the middle by

summer's end.

Nobody and nothing was dry when it was all said and done.

Scooter chases the kids from one end of the pool to the other

and growls at all the pool toys.

Yeah, he's ferocious.

Our personal chef, grilling for the shrivel-toed, voracious gang.

They may be shrivel-toed, but they have

expensive palettes--notice all that's left is

shrimp tails AND....

Hot dogs. Little farts barely touched the dogs.

Gerald and I were salivating over the shrimp.

Guess what we ate?

1 - 2 - 3 - JUMP!

Anna: " Wait, guuuys!"

WUZZUUUUP!

"Watch my flip, Mom!"

TADA!

STRIKE

A

POSE!

"My lips are NOT blue, Mom!"

Looking brave, while trying to touch.

"The water's touching my chiiiin...help!"

"CANNONBAAAALL!"

"Mom, look, I grew a blue tail..ha, haaaah, haaaah. Take a picture of my spit bubble."

Oh yeah, Gerald wanted me to mention how clean and BLUE "his" pool is...

He prides himself on his pool chemistry skills--little acid here, little baking soda there-- it's almost like rocket science, right hon? :0)

FRIDAY THE 13TH

So today is the 13th. So today is Friday.

I have no qualms about Friday the 13th. To a Porter, it's just a day and a number; let the black cats cross my path, someone give me a ladder to walk under.

Friday the 13th is peanuts compared to The Porter Curse.

Chuckle.

Today does, however, remind me of something funny that happened this week.

Gerald has this thing about Freddie, you know Freddie...

Long knife-fingers, small acne problem, has some early signs of a receding hairline, a slightly aggressive personality and is enamored with fire.

Yeah, THAT Freddie.

Gerald had this dream a long, long time ago...

Okay, he had a nightmare but that seems so cliche'.

He had a nightmare about Freddie and now he has this thing...phobia...of all things Freddie.

Won't even watch the movies anymore.

Chuckle. Ahem.

Sometimes he even gets me a little spooked.

I don't know why or how but he also has claimed a phobia with all things Jason.

Two nights ago, after dark, Gerald and I have to make a quick run to Target probably around 9pm. We put the kids in bed, except for Anna who we leave in front of the TV.

It's literally a two minute drive.

So we were fine with leaving Anna in charge for a few and maybe even getting in a quick smooch, a squeeze and a wink before we got to our Starbucks-inclusive destination.

Hey, we have five kids and we're busy all the time! You take it when you can get it. This would be considered a date in some middle-age circles.

Okay, it WAS a date--we're middle-age and with all the weight we've gained, Gerald and I are our own circle.

On with the story...

It's pretty dark on our street and the moon was overcast. We're talking and other things as we pull out of the drive and out of the corner of my eye I see this guy standing in the shadow of our neighbor's pine trees.

I instinctively jump a little and point him out to Gerald who had also just seen him in the headlights.

Gerald was heading the front bumper in this guy's direction, ready to take out 60 ft pine trees and all to run the guy over...lucky for him, we realized he was an older man that lives in our neighborhood; he walks everynight. Gerald calmed down and drove on when he realized it wasn't Freddie or Jason.

The older guy always wears a sweatjacket w/a hood in dark colors and has this habit of moving completely off the street when a car comes his way.

He just stands there completely still with his hands down by his side and stares at the people in the car as they go by. Then he takes off on his walk again.

It freaks me out everytime.

The guy seems harmless and he's not weird--I've met him.

A word to the wise, don't ever mess w/Gerald about Freddie; he doesn't see any humor in it. You could say he freaks out somewhat and becomes a little unstable :)

Although, one of these days when I have some extra cash, I plan to buy a pair of Freddie fingers, scrape the windows and scare the Starbucks out of him.

Revenge.

There was this guy that lived in our hometown, Independence Missouri, and ordered pizzas ALL THE TIME from our store. He happened to live on Elm Street.

One time, Gerald made ME deliver to him because we were busier than normal, all the other drivers were gone on deliveries and we were closing in on the "30 minute or free" deadline. Gerald HATED missing the 30-minute mark, obviously because of the $2 down the drain but also it was some sort of pizza guy ego issue. ($2 is what it cost to make a large one-topping pizza around 10 yrs. ago)

Anyway, this particular block of Elm Street was tree-lined, dark and freaky and the delivery address was the same as THE address in the movie.

And it was a Dead End Street.

And the customer lived at the very end of the street.

I'm NOT making this up.

The drivers used to always draw straws or numbers to see who would have to deliver there. I had watched them do this many times and I'd laughed.

But it wasn't so funny when Gerald sent me out that night.

And never mind that Freddie Krueger might live there and make a personal pizza of me; it was all about the bottom line, baby. (Well, okay, and I couldn't make ten pizzas in like one minute, while answering the phones, cutting&boxing the pizzas and directing the drivers what to take and where to go all at the same time, like Gerald could, but still...)

So I went to "THE house" on Elm Street and obviously it all turned out well. The guy did say something about knowing his address was the Freddie Krueger address and looked at me kind of strange, like it was cool or something and I should ask for his autograph instead of his money.

Maybe on Halloween, Dude.

I just smiled nervously, took the cash, ran to the car, locked the doors, shivered and high-tailed it back to Domino's. I never delivered there again.

Two positive things: he tipped well.

And it turned out he was really nice. To look at.

So go eat that pizza, Gerald!

And watch your back. SCREEEECH.

NUMBER THREE

I am really late on this post.

This is normal.

Meet our number three

Molly Grace.

One of her distinctions in our home is that she was our tiniest baby.

She loves it when I tell her that.

Molly is quite the personality in our home.

You could probably say she is THE personality in our home.

She even sleeps with personality--can you see her? No? Me either.

I often have to go poking in her bed at night during the final "mom check" to see *where* she is in comparison to all her stuffed animals and Barbie Dolls that she has to sleep with because, as she puts it,

"I can't pick just one, Mom"

It's her bed, what can I say?

Oh yeah, and she often sleeps in a dress.

That's just Molly.

Molly has taken up sports which was quite a surprise to us because she's always been more of a girlie girl. Now we just describe her as a girlie girl tomboy.

She's loves to dig in dirt so much that Memaw and Papa always gave her a special place in the backyard to dig. Needless to say, she LOVED the beach sand and even digging in our backyard in Florida was heaven to Molly.

She's always been a tactile child and literally washed her hands in her food everytime she ate until the age of around three, when I finally put a stop to it.

From time to time, however, she is still known to do it when I'm not looking.

Molly views sports as alot of fun, as shown below, because she believes it to be a very important time in her social development.

Chatting over bottled water while sitting on the bench is as important for Molly as playing the sport itself.

She he has pink soccer shoes & basketball shoes with pink in them.

Molly is very photogenic. As a matter of fact, I cannot remember a bad picture of Molly.

She takes after her Aunt Erin, who she emulates.

She LOVES to be compared to Aunt Erin.

I love, and at times absolutely loathe, that she is so much like my sister.

They both can have SUCH a *Diva* personality.

This is Molly with some of her fellow third graders in a limo ride at the annual

"Third Grade Manners Luncheon"

The person she has wrapped around her little pinky.

Her "Escort for the Day"

This is such a "mom picture".

Happy Belated Ninth Birthday Blog, (March 24th) Molly Grace.

She now wants to be known as Molly Grace, by the way.

A result of living in the south.

She does southern so well.

This next picture is just revenge.

My sister, Molly Grace's Aunt Erin.

I threatened to post it on my blog because she kept making gestures for the camera that I cannot rightly post, as I try to keep my blog PG.

See how photogenic she is?

Gotcha', Erin.

Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,pppbbbththth!!!

IS IT LATER YET, MOM?

Everyone together now: Cross your fingers to de-curse this blog.

YAY!

This Is My Favorite

Nestea Plunge, Anyone?

Grandmother Eye Candy

For Memaw & Papa

Heartbreaker, Curly, In My Favorite Tree

(He Hates That Name)

Finally, For Zac, The Patient Model

I think it's time to de-fragment our hard drive and documents...again.

It took me 30 minutes, five chocolate-marshmallow Easter eggs (b/c I'll be down in the mouth during Easter, people) and all the patience I could muster to bring you this most excellent blog.

I may soon not only wear, but coin a new term: Blogger's Butt.

I have to go walk now.

KIDSPEAK

I wasn't going to post a blog until later today but I HAD to post this before I set off on a bus ride to Band Camp with a bunch of Pre-Mids (5th and 6th graders). Woohoo!

I've been checking my email, stalking some blogs and posting snide comments to Tammi and Katie while Zac was in the bathtub playing-washing. Playing-washing? Moms know what I'm talking about, right?

Put some liquid soap in the bathtub and stick them in and while they play, they get washed.

It's some scientific phenomenon...really, it is.

I'm just about to close out for the morning and hop in the shower myself when Zac comes in, all wrapped in a towel, asking me to get his clothes out so he can get dressed; it's a new habit he's picked up lately that I'm thoroughly enjoying.

So, I'm wiping his nose and I casually say, did you get your hair wet?

I'm expecting a "yes" or "no".

This is what he said,

"I did a water fawt."

"What? You mean you were blowing water with your face and got your hair wet?"

"No, I fawted in the bathtub."

THAT was his answer. No real explanation for his wet hair.

I sat bewildered, trying to figure out what he meant while he walked over, turned on the TV, stuck his thumb in his mouth and got dressed like a good mesmerized TV-zombie child.

So much for Dora, Baby Einstein and Harry's Bucket of Dinosaurs teaching my child intelligent things--what's wrong with these TV shows?!? Don't they know that us mothers count on them to teach our children respectable manners?

I'd have his father have a talk with him about this sordid behavior but...

WHERE DOES ALL OUR MONEY GO!?!

We were planning on taking a little money from our income tax refund windfall to maybe take a cruise during our Fall Break next October.

Gerald decides to go over the books one more time to make sure that our finances are in order and, lo and behold, the little xtra we were going to have left over had disappeared, POOF!

He calls me, "Where did it all go?"

"I don't know; maybe eye doctor visits for all the kids?"

"Maybe all the field trips we didn't expect this year."

"Possibly all the shoes and sport's fees we put out this year."

"Did we buy that many shoes?"

"Uh...."

"Yah, I think so!"

These are all the kids' sport's shoes that we have bought this year...so far.

We still have two pair of track shoes to buy this week for Anna & Jake, our Sports-A-Holics.

Now, we buy them as cheap as we can get away with, without sacrificing too much quality because we don't want our kids' feet to curl up and fall off.

Figure around $25-30/pair times twelve pairs (Molly's soccer shoes are missing) and we spent a rough estimate of.....calculating.....

$300-360! Oh, my goodness, I didn't even think it would be that much.

WOW!

Our Athletes

Zac, "Porter Supporter"

Drew, "The Three Point Threat"

Molly, "Number 25"

Jake, "Basketball Ballerina"

Anna, "The Blur"

BAD MOTHER 101

I check my emails this afternoon








and see an interesting "subject line" from Andrew's teacher that says something about a tooth. Being that she sent it in the middle of the day, it certainly caught my attention and so I open it, assuming that he had a tooth knocked out at school.

Missing tooth? No problem! I wouldn't have stressed about that at all.

But, Mrs. Ford wanted to let me know that Drew was very concerned that the Tooth Fairy had forgotten about him because he had not come to pickup his tooth yet (that he lost last week). Apparently, his teacher sets time aside if the kids want to talk privately about anything bothering them and then they take prayer requests and pray. Drew has thought enough about this, for the last week, that he thought he should "Take it to the Lord In Prayer" via his teacher, instead of to his mom...which, I guess, is not a bad thing.


Can anyone tell me how to get in touch with this Tooth Fairy because he is making me look REALLY bad.

FIVE DIMENSIONS OF SUPERMAN

Today, my four-year-old and I were discussing Superman and what exactly makes him super; furthermore, what makes Superman different from Daddy.

I then decided to ask all my children what they thought made Superman, super AND different from Dad. Here are the answers, from four to twelve.

"What makes Daddy and Superman different?"

Zac (4): Superman can fly and he doesn't have a family.

Drew (6): Superman is stronger, can take bullets without dying and he can fly.

Molly (8): Daddy is real, Superman is not; Daddy is a Christian and I'm not sure about Superman; Superman can fly.

Jake (11): Dad can die from more than just Kryptonite; Dad is older than Superman; Dad doesn't wear a cape; Dad's not in disguise; Dad doesn't wear nerdy glasses...well, at least not anymore.

Anna (12): Hmmm...Superman's stronger (giggle) and he can fly.



"What makes Superman, super?"

Zac (4): He can fly and he punches and kicks bad guys; he saves some ladies.

Drew (6): He's strong, he can take on bullets and he can fly.

Molly (8): He has powers.

Jacob (11): He can fly and jump high.

Anna (12): His superhero powers.



"What do you think gives Superman his special powers?"

Zac (4): His loading place.

Drew (6): God

Molly (8): Magic

Jake (11): God

Anna (12): Um, being from that one planet place that he comes from.





"If Superman and Darth Vader were in a fight, who would win and why?"

Zac (4): Darth Vader because he has a long sword.

Drew (6): Superman because he trusts God.

Molly (8): Nobody but I don't know why.

Jake (11): Superman because the only thing that can kill Superman is Kryptonite and Darth Vader only has a light saber.

Anna (12): Darth Vader because Superman couldn't get near him b/c he'd whack him w/the light saber.

MEET THE FAM

My Dad was interviewed yesterday on KCCI News Channel 8 in Iowa. Click here to watch...
www.kcci.com/video/11003982/index.html?taf=des

I complain about how cold it is here today, around 30, until Dad calls and tells me that when he left for work this morning, Kansas City was a slightly nippy 6 above. Brrr...

When Alabama gets a dusting of snow, all chaos breaks lose w/school closings, and, some of you Northerners will gasp, business closings and/or delays. Even the Arsenal , the biggest employer here in Hunstville, delays arrival of its employees, but then, it IS a government agency.

Kansas City, on the other hand, rarely closes schools and I remember maybe one time in the 30-something years that I lived there, my Dad's employer delaying his arrival for work. Dad has worked for UPS for 36 years and I, as a new Ebayer, am aware, as I'm sure are the shipping companies, that hell hath no fury like that of an Ebay-buyer prolonged. (Ditto those of you hooked on QVC.)

So, yesterday morning being no exception to this seemingly unwritten "rule," Dad and his comrades-in-brown took their shiny, gold and brown shield-emblazoned, silver sleds, convoy-style, on up the road into Iowa; they were probably listening to Bruce Springsteen or NPR inbetween the CB jibber-jabber about idiots, management, idiot-management, Teamsters and smokies. They drink their coffee to try to stay warm and alert for black ice, while looking from mirror to mirror every 1.2 secs, according to "UPS Defensive Driving Rules 101". Dad taught me to drive, so I KNOW about black ice...and defensive driving (thanks, Dad). Just as the 9/11 rescuers ran into the burning buildings while everyone was running out, so did the Upsers drive, competently, into the snow, ice, blizzards, stupid drivers and traffic jams while the wiser-among-them tried to stay out of the mess.

To those of you who may be waiting on a package via UPS, or any other packaging company out there that succeeds solely because of, and off the backs of, their hard-working, faithful employees, make sure you give them a hearty thank you when they come knocking. They don't get combat pay or heroic medals, they just do their job the best they can, under the harshest weather conditions that mother nature can contrive. They love local diners and coffee, so if you feel so disposed, have a hearty cup of coffee or a gift cert for the local mom and pop breakfast joint ready to hand out the door. They'll appreciate it as much as you appreciate your package on time.

Finally, meet my Dad, Wes, and his buddy, Bob Hill (my Dad's the first UPS driver interviewed). Nice to meet you, Bob, never met you personally but have heard many stories about you--some good, some ornery--such is the life of a trucker.

I love you, Dad!!!

NUMBER TWO

No, number two is not a blog about bowel movements.

This blog, a belated blog, is dedicated to our oldest son and second child, Jake, whose birthday was actually on the seventh.

I've tried to edit the content of his eleven years into a medium-length blog and a good read. I think I accomplished the "good read" part.

Jake is stubborn, strong-willed, hard-headed, headstrong; get the picture? From the moment he was born, holding his breath until he turned blue and heard the doctor threaten to smack his pink, skinny, wrinkled newborn hiney. Little did we know, this was an omen of things to come.

He shares his birthday with his Aunt Erin, about which he is proud; although, I think this is where he gets his stubborness from...yeah, definitely.

Jake about did me in, nursing every two hours round the clock until about a month in, I started adding a small amount of cereal to his diet. His appetite satisfied, he was a great sleeper and a really good, happy, chunky-cheeked little squirt.

Finally, his appetite waned about the time he turned two and would no longer eat anything but meat and junk food, absolutely no veggies; however, about every third day, he'd sit down to dinner with us and eat us all under the table, veggies and all. I discovered after having two more boys, this is common in small males in our household--don't ask me to 'splain it. Believe it or not, he is now an avid salad eater.

About the age of three, Jake decided that he was going to start getting up at 2 or 3 a.m. and making his own meals. We grew weary of waking up in the wee hours of the morning expecting to find a large rodent rummaging through the pantry, only to discover little Jake standing on the counter looking for "seral," fridge door wide open and food scattered on the floor. Too bad for us, SafetyFirst had already invented the velcro safety lock for fridges or I might be typing this with a diamond ring on every finger.

We painted his room the color of dirt, literally, when he was about three; best decision we ever made.

Jake's toddler days were filled with bouncing balls, racing HotWheels, Thomas the Train, Jay Jay the Jet Plane, jumping on the bed, jumping down flights of stairs, torturing his sisters, and the family dog, sneaking donuts...and getting spanked. Did I mention he was stubborn? I never thought the kid would make it to see second grade. I think he enjoyed the thrill of us wrestling him and pinning him to the bed so we could get correct aim and seeing our pink faces and hearing our labored breathing. He was a strong, wiry little fart and I'm glad those days are over, knock on wood.

He started playing in a bball rec league when he was in his late 3's, yeah 3's, and he was a natural. Since, he has tried his hand at flag and tackle football and soccer but bball is still his favorite.

Jake's early elementary days were filled with ABC's, recess, lunch, reading, writing...and, of course, spankings, but he learned the most valuable of lessons of life in second and fourth grades when we had to leave family and friends behind to move to other states. Hindsight dictates that they were good lessons to learn early, while still in the arms of family; he learned the value of true friends, the sting of life circumstances, the swiftness of time, not taking family for granted and the ability to adapt to change.

Jake has finally learned to balance and control his strong will and is on his way to becoming quite the example of a strong, principled, compassionate leader.

He is a wonderful, expressive reader and is often asked to read stories out loud in class because of that enthusiasm (thanks in part to his grandmother who also possesses this gift). He's been recently selected by his school to represent them in a regional speech contest at the end of the month.

He's a good-lookin', goofy, tweener with glasses and cowlicks all over his head, poor kid.

He loves to have friends over or just chill with his two little brothers.

We tease Jake that money doesn't burn a hole in his pocket, he just doesn't even have pockets. He already has a plan for spending his birthday money next year.

He loves The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Nerf guns and is a dead-eye w/an air rifle. He loves just plain, vanilla ice cream, BBQ chicken and playing baseball w/Papa and Uncle Mark in the backyard.

He's a better trash-talker than his dad and reminds Gerald often when he beats his butt in pickup bball.

He's only had stitches once and no broken bones which is a testament to his guardian angel--the most overworked angel in all of heavenly history, of this I'm sure.

He already has his first wedding present--an ugly monkey lamp he broke just recently in a second-hand store. We unhappily bought the thing and I remind him often, it's his first wedding present.

He's a loverboy, always very affectionate, definitely be watching over this positive character trait to keep it reigned in.

He's made us proud and am confident he will continue to do so. We'll hang onto him as long as we can, but realized early on that his life was going to someday impact the world. We're nourishing his roots daily, giving them strength for his trials ahead, at the same time, fitting him with the best pair of wings we can for his flight, and readying ourselves to hold on for the ride.

Happy Belated Birthday, Jacob Taylor, this is your edited life!