Monkey on my Blog

I've been far too busy the past week and a half to worry about a monkey that's been on my back; he jumped on sometime around the start of school, he's hung on relentlessly, and this past weekend he really started to get heavy...and stinky.

I knew that I'd have to shake him soon because he's a big headache and he gets in my way much too often.

I've been toying with deleting my Blog altogether. It's a decision I have wrestled with deeply, which I find ridiculously silly; it's just a Blog, for Pete's sake.

I enjoy writing, to say the least, and I find Blogging to be very therapeutic, which I also find ridiculously silly; however, that particular aspect of Blogging has been studied and documented and recently published. But that's another Blog.

My toying with this "deletion idea" is rooted in Blogger's Block.

There are a million subjects of which I could Blog, most of them being personal in nature. My own and my family's mundane, daily, life events I mentally file consistently during the day as potential Blog materials; however, when I sit down to Blog, the events quickly identify themselves as not worthy to be Blogged. Why? I have no idea. Much of it has to do with my mood and my energy level, of that I know for certain. I guess you could chalk it up to Artistic Style. Ridiculously silly, huh?

For a long time now, I feel I have Blogged nothing of substance--which disappoints me (I'm a functioning first-born with a somewhat anal personality). It really chaps my hide because one reason I decided to start posting Blogs is I felt maybe I could make a difference, even if just for one person, I could express my opinions, I could share my deep faith and my struggles to get there, I could be funny, I could showcase whatever "talent" some people thought I possessed, I could help someone, I could be a role model to my oldest, whom also enjoys writing. My Blogs, as of late, have been...boring and horribly unoriginal.

For this, I sincerely must apologize. I have not done my best work; I've been posting crap, just to have a new post (sorry, Mark, I know the last thing you want to see at the end of your day, is more crap--ha, ha-ha).

My decision: I'm not yet ready to throw in the towel.

Today, on my way home from taking my youngest to get his four-year-old shots and to have the doctor check his "shrinking feet" (as he told the doctor), I discovered a little flush of hope welling up inside me once again.

I have a story, one that will make a difference, will give hope, will heal, will make some laugh and others cry. It will make me a role model once again in my daughter's eyes!

That story...



Is still being written in my head. It will appear sometime Tuesday, when my laundry and errands for the day are complete. When I have completely emptied myself of all my wife and motherly urges, I will once again renew my spirit with a Blog post.

I am determined to shake that monkey, once and for all, Tuesday.

At the least, he'll get a bath. He really stinks!

For now, I must retire for the evening.